Pain in the Heart

            It’s a pain.

A great pain indeed to realize that you did not actually belong to those whom you have always thought you were a part of them. Those whom you thought you cared for and being cared for.

0nly when you found out that you were never in any position to fit in and that you were totally left out, did you realize who you were! Nobody!

Ha! Then you have to fight so hard to swallow those stinging tears welling up in your eyes and at the brink of streaming down, and yet you should not ever cry. Yes, you should not as you never existed to them, so you don’t even have the right to cry. That’s it.

Looking back, it’s a terrible joke and one that you have to accept, though how you wished it never came along in your life. Yet it was a fact, a truth that hurts you so much now that you feel like screaming out to ease the pain that is suffocating, strangling and stabbing your poor soul. 

Were those laughter and joy just fakes? Or were you being fooled around as it had always been on you, so it was just a matter of repetition being a fool that strutted on the stage to finish his part and then discarded?

No matter how it started, it always seemed to end in the same way. The inevitable way, draining the courage to revive as you retreated into a corner like an injured animal licking its wounds, groaning in misery over what had so dreadfully fallen upon you.

It’s hard to believe it and take it. Really terribly hard. So how can you be okay when asked? Especially being asked by someone who pretended to be innocent or had to be innocent so as not to be guilty of what had been done to you? Yet you had to pretend too, that you were ABSOLUTELY OKAY. AND NOOOOO WORRIES AT ALL.

WHAT A BLATANT LIE THAT IS TO YOU YOURSELF AND YOUR COUNTERPART!!!!!!

You shook in anger to yourself in the darkness of the night. You did hate yourself just for the sake of that DAMMED dignity of yours which will continue to lead you on through your life, pulling you on through more of these unavoidable, painful circumstances.

Maybe, the end will come one day but there will be no one to tell you if your pain does really come to an end. Until then, you just have to live up with that shattering pain in your heart…….